(Side note: My mother use to always to tell me "Everything happens for a reason" and it would absolutely annoy me, but she was right... Everything does happen for a reason.)
From September to March, we had a few doctor check-ups for both my husband and I. We wanted to make sure that we were ok physically especially me. I won't sit here and lie to you, but I secretly blamed myself for the loss we experienced that August. Even though everyone around me told me there was nothing I could do and they were right there wasn't anything I could do to change the outcome of that pregnancy, but that didn't change how I felt. I always thought it was an easy process.. you have sex, you get pregnant, your pregnant for 9 months and BAM! a baby. Well that is not the case, a little naive, maybe so. But ultimately I was not prepared for the emotional roller coaster I was on. After our check-ups, there were a few things we had to overcome, but ultimately we were fine. The doctors had no doubt that I would be able to carry a baby to full term. So, our next step was getting pregnant, again.
Just a heads up. Getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant is a lot more work than most think. There are a lot of rules, dos and don'ts. Needless to say, it is a mystery in itself. You hear sometimes how some people weren't even trying and got pregnant. And then you hear those that say, " it was one time." All I wanted to say to them was "LUCKY!" But despite how easy it can be for some and difficult for others, it doesn't change that we have no control on when we get pregnant. With all the books and on-line information about how to get pregnant, you would think we've got this, but it takes time. And for us... it took time.
Now to the fun stuff...
We found out late May that I was pregnant. And to be honest, I was exhausted of waiting for the day I could test. After a few months of negatives... You sort of just prepare yourself for another. The morning I found out, I woke up really early with menstrual cramps. I decided what the heck lets just pee on this stick and see what happens. I can't tell you how shocked I was. I mean I should of been prepared for anything... even a positive. I screamed out for my husband, who was sound asleep, and he ran over thinking... I dunno I fell in toilet. I showed him with this huge smile on my face and his reaction was.. "Yay it worked, can we go back to sleep." All I can remember from that day was lying there in bed thinking of how unreal this felt, but my husband was right there hugging me, telling me how great this was and that everything was going to be ok. And at that moment, it sank in... We are PREGNANT!
Now, it is no secret that when something goes wrong the first time you are a bit scared of what will happen the next time. Well, that's exactly what happened to me. As happy as I was, I was still scared that something could go wrong. It's one of those things you try to control, but it's hard. Sometimes maybe we just think too much, but I couldn't help it. I am a worrier and it absolutely drives me crazy sometimes I would like to say I've gotten better over the past couple of months, but that'd be a lie. I am still trying to overcome my worrying self and just let things be...
Now, it is no secret that when something goes wrong the first time you are a bit scared of what will happen the next time. Well, that's exactly what happened to me. As happy as I was, I was still scared that something could go wrong. It's one of those things you try to control, but it's hard. Sometimes maybe we just think too much, but I couldn't help it. I am a worrier and it absolutely drives me crazy sometimes I would like to say I've gotten better over the past couple of months, but that'd be a lie. I am still trying to overcome my worrying self and just let things be...
